Okay, before anyone gets their drawers in a wad … it’s a perfectly good word, and I’m not going to bowdlerize it with asterisks or substitute something* like “shoot.” If I did your mind would still fill in the actual word; as George Carlin wisely said, “‘Shoot’ is ‘shit’ with two ‘O’s.” Now … let’s move on.

There’s been a meme going around YouTube, Facebook and other segments of the Intarnets lately: videos entitled something like “Shit __________ Say.” Fill in the blank with guys, girls, single girls, black girls, gay guys, vegans, project managers … you name it. I’ve been ignoring most of them, until one came along that I couldn’t ignore. Because maybe 50 of my friends have forwarded this around, and … because it’s hilarious.

Those of you who are bartenders or cocktail geeks, c’mon … I suspect you’ve been caught saying at least one, and probably more, of these things. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you “Shit Bartenders Say.”

(“I’m a mixologist.“)

Er, sorry.

Hi-frakkin-larious!

Adding some icing to that cake, mixologist bartender Derek Brown, proprietor of The Passenger in Washington, D.C., ran some “Shit Bartenders Mixologists Say” cocktail specials the other night …

Photo courtesy of Derek Brown. Click to embiggen.

Brilliant. The fourth one nearly made me spray my tasty beverage onto my monitor.

I love how the community is serious about what we do, but don’t take ourselves too seriously. Now, would you care for a drink? Hey, I’m really into amaro …

(* – Why is it that you can say “crap” on TV but you can’t say “shit?” They mean exactly the same thing. Sigh. People are so stupid.)